Wanted: One futbol team, in good condition, that goes well with beer

The NFL disgusts me. So does the NBA. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the football and basketball, but the American sports media and the assholes that get paid to play these games have driven me so far away that I can only handle the leagues in small doses. A few highlights here and there.

I’ll replace the NBA with more drinking. To replace the NFL, I want something that will compliment the additional booze: football, as in soccer, as in futbol.

I want a team that I can root for without a translator. I also want one that has an interesting history, a competitive future, and a bar in New York City where I can watch games with other drunkards. A star player or two, and cool uniforms are also welcome.

Suggestions, please.